I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
