You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
