My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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