i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Do vagina's smell?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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