The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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