nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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