I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
