My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
