pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just found puke in my bra..
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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