my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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