Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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