I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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