guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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