You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
North Korea, Best Korea!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
