My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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