ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
