I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
