Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
