nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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