This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
