Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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