I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize