I skipped work to stalk him.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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