hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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