I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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