Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
from now on my penis is your penis
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
