Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
