are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
