You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
