You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
