just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
