I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
