Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
