its not stalking. its research.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
