I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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