A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
