Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
