Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
