my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
