He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
