hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
