dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
