Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
