I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
