I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I am available for nakedness
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He has the fingertips of a God
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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