the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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