I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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