I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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