i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
