Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
