I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
