I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
