he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
