Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
