Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
