Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
