I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
