I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so let's talk penis.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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