I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
