'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
