Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
