But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
