Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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