You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
