thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
