I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
