what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
