his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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