i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
