she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Sorry about my life...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
